I am me…

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Tonight I kissed a girl…

…but first we flirted, with each other, with her boyfriend. We held hands over dinner, talked and laughed. We’ve been getting to know each other for a bit, going out for drinks, meeting for coffee or lunch. They’re new to poly, and very much suited to it, though taking it slowly to sort out whether it’s a good step. I am someone who is willing to share my story and my experiences, for what they’re worth. As I am alone this weekend, while Biker Dude is with his girlfriend, they invited me to dinner…

It was so easy, slipping my hand into hers, laughing and smiling. I hugged her goodbye at the end of the night, and kissed her softly. I was struck by how good it felt… how true to me. I have spent a year believing I wasn’t looking for a girl. I wasn’t up for that kind of relationship, with the drama and hurt of a woman’s emotions.  I had been burned and I wasn’t going back for a very, very long time — if ever.

But, she is just so damned cute , and sweet, and genuine.  And he’s a gentleman with a growl in his throat, and just the hint of a little boy in him.  Strength and vulnerability.  He is easy to like.  I expected that.  She is easy to like.  Easy to kiss. She’s a surprise.

I feel so much more myself tonight, like I didn’t get it wrong with Dragonfly Girl, who broke up with me, and insisted Shepherd did, too. Tonight, I felt like I could honestly say it’s not that I am flawed. I really wasn’t fooling myself. Whatever mistakes ended our triad, it wasn’t that I didn’t want or love her. It absolutely wasn’t that I am not bisexual.

It’s too early to tell if these two new friends are a good fit, too early to know where this is heading — and for now, flirty friends is okay by me.  But tonight, I felt good, and for the first time in a long while, a beautiful woman held my interest more than a charming man.  I can’t help grinning like a Cheshire cat, at my reflection in the mirror.

Wow. This is me — polyamorous, bisexual, woman — rebuilding my world.

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