Ask Pen – Vol. 5 – Holiday Headaches

My latest Ask Pen article is up at Here’s a preview:


Dear Pen,

2014 has been a great year, I met and fell in love with a wonderful guy, his wife is becoming a great friend, and as the holidays approach, I feel like celebrating. Problem is, holidays are full of traditions, and family, and as a secondary partner, I’m sort of the outsider, not sure what it’s fair to ask for, but don’t want to spend the holidays alone. Help?


Dear Hope,

Congratulations on your new relationship! It sounds awesome. Holidays can be stressful for polyfolk. Families don’t always know about, or welcome multiple partners. Established couples can find it difficult to change long-held traditions when a new partner comes along. Add in multiple holiday parties, the question and cost of gifts, and Uncle Joe, who can’t figure out who this pretty new stranger is at the holiday table, and it’s tough.

On the other hand, all partners have rights, and the desire to celebrate with those you love is a valid and important issue to address…



It’s Not Easy, Being Human – an Ask Pen Article


Dear Reader,

I’m not answering a question today, I’m asking one. I hope you’ll allow me this liberty, and share with me your thoughts.


We are human, you and I. Our partners are human; our metamours are human. Even our exes are human, (though I know it may be irksome to acknowledge in some cases.) We battle insecurities, and our own demons, and we bring those battles into our profoundly human relationships. This is who we are. Wouldn’t you agree?   There are several excellent books about how to deal with conflict in poly relationships and as we educate ourselves, I think we strive to communicate clearly and often, to check in and speak up, to ask for what we want. We work hard to “own our own shit”, as Cunning Minx would say. We face our jealousies, and process our emotions…

[Read more of this AskPen article on the OKPolyNetwork site. Click the image below.]


with ink and affection,


When Love Walks Away – An “Ask Pen” Article


The latest “Ask Pen” post is up over at This one was not an easy one to write but it seems the time was right to dive in. To all my friends who are dealing with changes and break-ups in poly relationships, don’t give up. There’s hope.

I’d love some feedback, if you’re up for reading:

When Love Walks Away…


with ink and affection,


A New Adventure

I’ve taken on an exciting new project, joining a team of talented writers over at the new OK Poly Network website. My column will be “Ask Pen”, and the below article preview is the first of many I hope you’ll find there:

Ask Pen
Volume 1



No Rules?! Are You Serious?

Dear Pen,


My girlfriend wants to open our relationship, but that scares me. What kinds of rules do you have in your poly relationships?


Dear New,

First, Kudos to you, for stepping out into new territory, and exploring ways to meet your partner’s request. You rock!

Second, as with any relationship, communication is oxygen, water, and food for your journey. Every poly experience is different, and we get to fashion designer relationships based on the wants and needs of those we choose to involve. The right way for you, and your girlfriend, to begin exploring ethical non-monogamy, is something only you two can decide. At some point, you will of course want to add the opinions, wants and needs of other partners to the blueprint. Still, this is your baby; you get to choose.  My advice is to talk, talk, talk…


[To read the entire article, check out and share some love!]




With plenty of ink and affection,



I’m an ink-stained, messy, poet-girl, I share life with three lovers, via frequent-flyer-miles, long drives, love letters, and texted poetry. I’m a vocabulary addict with embarrassing penmanship. Find my most recently published work  on the OK Poly Network  and in “Literary Sexts Vol. 1. (Words Dance Publishing) Send questions for “Ask Pen” to