NOTE: Depression is insidious. A dark and ravenous locust-cloud, it can arrive without warning and strip everything bare before you are able to find your wits. Warring with depression in myself can also become the battle of watching it attack those I love. These current writings are about that fight.

We are getting help.


She’s flirting with ghosts
who are stealing her soul
and all I can do
is tie my own hands,
sew my own lips
into a fake smile,
watch her fade into fog
a little more each day.

I am the rope tied to her ankle.
I am the Polo to her
distant cries of Marco.
I am grey and thin,
a beating heart resisting
my own evaporation.

She waltzes in a graveyard
while I sit this one out.
She’s borrowed my dancing shoes.




On days when my heart
feels like just shutting down
–I sit with the stillness,
make almost no sound.

On days when my heart
feels like locking its doors
–I wear your old t-shirts
and sit on my floors.

On days when my heart
feels like going to ground
–I breathe in the earth and
I feel it’s heart pound.

On days when my heart
feels like it’s fighting wars
–I let my tears carry
me back to your shores.




“…to slip beneath the surface and soar along the silent bottom of the sea agile and shining in water honeycombed with light.”
Ellen Meloy


mermaidstwo (2)

I have a girlfriend, and that for me is an amazing thing, for I have yet to explore such a relationship successfully, and I have so longed to try again.

We started as friends over coffee, and a mug with three hearts lent itself to our discussion of polyamory, and the joys of loving more than one, then we found ourselves falling in love with each other’s spouses, and celebrating that incredible metamour-hood and sister-ship. The more we trusted, sharing from our hearts and becoming vulnerable with each other, the more our hearts became entwined like flowering vines. Though we are both a bit afraid this deep sapphire ocean is full of sharks, we have found ourselves repeatedly taking each other’s hand, holding our breath and diving into the depths.

mermaid nin (2)

This new love we share feels like uncharted territory for me, and I keep reminding myself to come up for air, to breathe, and not panic. She is beautiful, and sweet, a poet and dreamer who loves deeply and wears her heart on her sleeve, like me. Her smile lights her eyes, and the feel of her hand in mine is the softest, gentlest thing I have felt in a very long time. She speaks truth to my heart, and loves my husband, my family, and makes room for me to love her husband and family, as well.

She is courageous, and intelligent, fiercely diligent at the task of being her very best self, a loving and generous partner to her loves, and a supportive friend to those who surround her life. She reminds me to be brave, and to trust myself. She believes in magic, that we are mermaids, and that this vast ocean of wonders is ours to explore. I think she’s right about that.

“If you swim effortlessly in the deep oceans, ride the waves to and from the shore, if you can breathe under water and dine on the deep treasures of the seas; mark my words, those who dwell on the rocks carrying nets will try to reel you into their catch. The last thing they want is for you to thrive in your habitat because they stand in their atmosphere where they beg and gasp for some air.”
C. JoyBell C.

I am blessed to share this wide ocean with her, and to call her my sister, my friend, and my sweet, darling girlfriend.